Divinity
by ilovecastiel18
Summary: Aziraphale is upset because he is separated from Heaven, which makes him feel separated from divinity. Crowley takes him stargazing and explains that Aziraphale is more divine than any of the other angels. I suck at summaries. Aziraphale/Crowley. Hurt/Comfort, angst, romance, fluff. One-Shot.


**Disclaimer: **Good Omens, along with its characters, locations, etc. are the property of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet. If I owned the rights to it, I wouldn't still be desperate to meet the man that I absolutely ADORE: David Tennant.

**Summary: **Aziraphale is upset because he is separated from Heaven, which makes him feel separated from divinity. Crowley takes him stargazing and explains that Aziraphale is more divine than any of the other angels. I suck at summaries. Aziraphale/Crowley. Hurt/Comfort, angst, romance, fluff. One-Shot.

**A/N: **Being an American, I know absolutely nothing about the geography of England. I tried to be vague about locations, simply because I do not know where they could have gone that fits the description I give. I was very vague, but the point stands. I have no idea how long it takes to drive from London to the coast, nor if there are any nice, West-facing (they watch the sun set) cliffs where they could have a picnic under an apple tree. But I digress.

….

Divinity

….

Aziraphale felt… off. He had felt a little odd since the Apocalypse, which didn't happen about five months ago, but today was a bad day. He felt different, like he wasn't the angel that he used to be.

He didn't know what was making him feel this way. He was content; he had his bookshop, and Crowley, and all the food and alcohol and books he could ever want. His life was the same as it had been before Armageddon, except that he was no longer welcome in Heaven. He felt separated from divinity, like he was only one step away from being fully human. It hurt.

Aziraphale was so put out that he had actually sold a few books today. Granted, they weren't some of his favorites, but he rarely sold _anything. _To sell three books in one day was a miracle in itself.

That was how Crowley found him today: selling a book to a customer with a downcast look on his face.

"Angel?" Crowley whispered when the customer left, keeping his sunglasses firmly on his face lest the other customers in the shop see his snake eyes.

"Oh, hello, Crowley." Aziraphale muttered.

"Are you all right?" Crowley asked quietly. He casually strode around the counter, so he was standing right next to Aziraphale. "You look… sad."

"I'm fine, dear. Just feeling a little off." Aziraphale gave Crowley a halfhearted smile, one that didn't reach his eyes.

Crowley leaned forward an inch, brushing his fingers across the back of Aziraphale's hand and hooking their pinkies together. "Do you want to talk about it?" he whispered.

"I'll be fine, Crowley. Thank you, though." Aziraphale answered. He tried to persuade Crowley to let it go, but his tight grip on the demon's pinky probably gave away how upset he was.

"Oi!" Crowley yelled across the shop at the two customers browsing the shelves. "We're closed now. See yourselves out."

The customers started making rude comments, but Crowley sent a pulse of fear toward them that left them in a rush to leave the store. Crowley let his glasses slide to the end of his nose and gave the door a glare, whereupon it promptly locked itself and flipped the sign to closed.

"Aziraphale, talk to me." He said quietly, removing his sunglasses and setting them on the counter.

"I don't know, Crowley. I've just felt a bit… off, since the Apocalypse. I think I'm just adjusting to the fact that I'll never be able to go to Heaven again. I mean, Earth has been my home for the last six thousand years, but I've always had the option to go to Heaven if needed. Now I can never go back to my home. It takes some getting used to." Aziraphale muttered, looking down at the floor. Crowley moved so they were now holding hands, instead of just pinkies. He threaded their fingers together and held on. "I just feel separated from my divinity, I guess."

Crowley squeezed his hand. "I know the feeling." He whispered. He pulled Aziraphale up against his side and rested his cheek atop the angel's fluffy white-blond curls. Aziraphale rested his cheek against Crowley's shoulder. "Angel, do you trust me?' he asked after a few moments of silence.

"Of course I do, dear." Aziraphale replied.

"There's this… thing I used to do after I Fell that made me feel… better. It made me feel like not all was lost. Would you care to try it with me?"

"As long as I'm with you, Crowley." Aziraphale muttered.

"Okay," Crowley pulled back from their position, slipping his sunglasses back onto his face. "Give me a half hour to get some stuff together. Pick out a bottle or two of wine, angel." He strutted toward the door, doing a dramatic turn as he reached it and saying "I'll be back" in a very bad impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Aziraphale sighed and walked to his backroom to rummage through his many cases of wine, hoping that whatever this was really would make him feel better about the home that he had lost.

….

A half hour later, as promised, Crowley pulled up to the curb in front of the shop (screeched up onto it, actually, causing a woman to scream and a dog to bark.). He swaggered into the shop moments later, letting his sunglasses slip down his nose.

"Ready, angel?" he called into the shop.

Aziraphale bustled out from the backroom, two bottles of vintage wine in his hands. "Are you going to tell me where we're going, dear?" he asked as he walked toward his friend.

"Nope." Crowley replied, popping the P. He backed up to the door and opened it for Aziraphale, snapping his fingers to lock it behind them. After he secured the bottles of wine in a picnic basket he had on the backseat, and after making sure that Aziraphale was securely seat belted in, Crowley careened away from the curb toward the M-25.

They drove out of London and toward the coast, making small talk. Crowley was only doing twice the speed limit, which caused Aziraphale to tone down his usual complaints. Every time Aziraphale would bring up where they were going and what they were going to be doing, however, Crowley would shut him up with a joke or a sarcastic remark and continue their previous conversation as if nothing had happened.

They drove for a couple of hours before Crowley pulled off onto a small dirt road that led to the coast, pulling up on a small drive that ended near an apple tree on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

"We're here." Crowley stated, as if it wasn't obvious that they had reached their destination when he turned the car off. He got out and reached into the backseat to get the picnic basket and a blanket. Before Aziraphale even thought to get out of the Bentley, Crowley had sauntered over to the apple tree and spread the blanket under it, setting the basket on one of the corners and stretching out.

"Coming, angel?" he called over his shoulder.

"Y-yes, of course, dear." Aziraphale unhooked his seatbelt and got out of the car, walking over and sitting primly on the blanket beside Crowley. "What are we doing here, Crowley?" Aziraphale asked after a moment of silence.

"Spending time together." Crowley sat up from where he was sprawled and opened the picnic basket, revealing a spread of meats, cheeses, fruits, and crackers, as well as a few different kinds of pastries and two wine glasses. "We had our night at the Ritz, but I still owed you that picnic." Crowley pulled his glasses off his face and set them on the table, popping a grape into his mouth.

"And how is this particular… activity supposed to help with my feelings of loss?" Aziraphale asked.

"Give it time, angel." Crowley poured them both a glass of wine. "Can't we just spend some time together without any other motives? We saved the world, we deserve this"

"I'm sorry, Crowley." Aziraphale muttered, angry at himself for acting as if there had to be a reason for them to spend time with each other. They had been released from Heaven and Hell; they could be together whenever they wanted.

"Don't apologize, Aziraphale." Crowley said, with such sincerity that Aziraphale almost felt like crying, because how could such a wonderful being love him so?

Aziraphale opted for silence after that, enjoying the food and the scenery and simply being with his friend. Soon, the sun started to set, causing the sky to turn pink and orange and reflect off the water.

Aziraphale couldn't contain a small gasp as he looked up from the picnic basket and saw this. He had lived on the Earth for six thousand years, he had lived in Heaven before that, at yet he couldn't remember seeing something so beautiful in a long time. Well, besides Crowley, anyway.

Crowley smiled when he gasped, stretching out on his back and looking up at Aziraphale with nothing short of adoration. "It's gorgeous, isn't it, angel?" he asked quietly. He pillowed his head on his left hand and stretched his right arm behind Aziraphale's back.

"It's amazing, Crowley. Thank you." Aziraphale said breathlessly. He had forgotten the food, opting to look out over the edge of the cliff and admire the astounding view.

"Just wait." Crowley replied with an ominous smirk. He popped another grape in his mouth.

"Crowley…" Aziraphale started to ask.

"I'm not trying to avoid your feelings, Aziraphale, I promise. I'm just waiting for the right moment. This isn't it." Crowley cut him off.

So, the pair sat in silence until the sun set and darkness overcame them, sipping wine and enjoying the companionable silence. Finally, when the Aziraphale could hardly see except from the faint glow coming from the half moon, Crowley started talking.

"Look up, angel." Crowley muttered. Aziraphale complied, looking up to see the stars. Crowley sighed. "Lay down. You won't have to crane your neck so much."

Aziraphale laid stiffly on his back, wadding up a corner of the blanket to support his head and neck. Crowley sighed again, his fingers just barely brushing the angel's shoulders. "Are we stargazing?" he asked quietly, confused.

"Yes. I have a whole speech planned, just… give me a couple of minutes." Crowley replied.

Aziraphale complied, allowing himself to relax and enjoy the view. Being a Londoner, it had been many, _many _years since he could see the stars so clearly. He felt like, if he stretched just a _little _farther, he could touch them. It made him feel so small and so large at the same time.

He almost tried to reach for them when Crowley started speaking.

"I… I know what it's like to feel separated from divinity. I know how hard it is to know that you can never go to Heaven again." Crowley started. "And I understand why you're conflicted. You've felt no need to go to Heaven in all these years on Earth, except for on rare occasions, but now that you can't go back? It's… different. But I understand, I do." Crowley paused, brushing his fingers across Aziraphale's shoulder and lightly grasping the fabric of his jacket. "It hurts." He added, with a broken voice. "I know our situations are different; that I Fell, and you've simply been separated from Heaven. But I can still relate."

Aziraphale inched closer to Crowley until his shoulder was lightly resting atop the demon's hand. He continued to stare at the stars, wishing that he could see them just a little closer. They really were breathtaking.

"You know, when I was an angel, I made stars. I made whole galaxies. I never felt more important than when I was gathering up gas and rock and different particles and putting them together to make these wonderful creations. They were just so… beautiful." Crowley paused again, pulling Aziraphale closer, so the angel's head was pillowed against the crook of his arm. "After I Fell, and after I came to Earth and before I met you, I used to spend all of my free time stargazing. It made me feel closer to the divinity that I lost. I knew that I could never go back, I could never again get close to that kind of Grace, that kind of goodness and purpose. But I could still gaze upon my creations, see the things that I had made to make the world better. I may have stopped believing in the Great Plan, but I always believed that Heaven was _trying _to do right by God. And I never felt righter than when I was making stars. I didn't think I would ever feel that kind of love again, the kind I felt as I formed galaxies.

"And then I met you, Aziraphale. I met you atop the wall surrounding Eden, and I could feel the waves of Grace that were pouring off you. The thing was, though, that they weren't hurting me. Having so much Grace pelt me in such waves should have discorporated me on the spot, but you were too _good. _You didn't _want _to kill me, so you didn't.

"Then, you told me that you had given your flaming sword away, simply because you didn't want Adam and Eve to suffer, and I felt like I was an angel again. You were so good, and so kind to me, a demon, that I just… I couldn't comprehend it. You never struck me down, rarely spoke an ill word toward me, no matter what my assignment was when we met up. Despite the fact that I was a demon, and the original Tempter. You treated me as an equal even thought we were on opposite sides. I had never met an angel like that before, and I haven't since." Crowley paused, searching for the right words.

Aziraphale felt a flood of emotions clogging his chest and throat, making his eyes water. He inched closer to Crowley, lightly placing his head on the demon's shoulder. Crowley idly bent his arm and started brushing Aziraphale's curls back from his forehead with his fingers, tilting his head so his temple was pressed against the top of the angel's head.

"I know you feel like you've lost your home, Aziraphale. But the truth is, you never fit in with Heaven the rest of the angels. I can never see you fitting in with the likes of Gabriel or Michael. You're too good for them, too kind. Your home is here, with me. And the humans. And food, and wine, and books, and classical music, and old-fashioned, out-of-date suits that haven't been fashionable since the 1930s. _This _is the real you, angel. Heaven will never understand that." He paused, bending his face slightly to kiss Aziraphale's temple.

"But, I still understand feeling that loss. Like there's a hole in your chest that can't be filled. Any time it gets bad, I want you to tell me, and we can come out here and lay under the stars. It's not Heaven, angel, but it is divine. Just like you."

Aziraphale found that, for once, he was at a loss for words. He inched closer to Crowley, pressing himself against his side to get as much contact as possible. He let his tears moisten the shoulder of Crowley's jacket as he pressed his face into the demon's neck, trying and failing to find anything to say to his friend.

Crowley simply hugged him close, rolling onto his side and pulling Aziraphale into his chest. He wrapped both arms around Aziraphale's back and held onto him as he tried to hold back his many emotions.

"Aziraphale, you know I won't ever judge you for having feelings. You don't have to hold back in front of me." Crowley muttered into his hair. This set Aziraphale off. He started crying, hard and fast, soaking the material of Crowley's shirt. He wrapped his arms around Crowley's back, grabbing fistfuls of his jacket and holding on like Crowley was a life preserver.

He cried for a long time, and Crowley just held onto him and muttered soothing words in his ear. Occasionally, Crowley would press a soft kiss into his hair or on his temple, and it would make him cry even harder. He couldn't believe that he was lucky enough to have someone like Crowley care for him enough to do something like this.

After Aziraphale had cried all his tears, he pulled his face away from Crowley's chest, resting his forehead there and breathing in an abundance of fresh air.

"Are you alright?" Crowley asked quietly.

"Better now." Aziraphale choked out. He refused to look up at his friend, lest he start crying again. "Crowley, I can't… I don't have the words to explain how grateful I am." He whispered hoarsely.

"There's no need for them." Crowley replied, nuzzling his nose into Aziraphale's soft curls.

"No, there is. This time, I actually want to thank you for saving me." Aziraphale pulled back from Crowley's chest and looked the demon in the eyes. He had so may things he wanted, _needed, _to say, and no idea how to say them. "You have saved me so many times, in so many different ways, and I have never gotten to thank you properly for it. You've always treated me like I'm special, and I've always treated you as nothing more than a convenience. That changes tonight. I told you I was upset, and you went out of your way to take me on a picnic and stargazing, just to make me feel better." He paused, reaching up to run a finger down Crowley's nose and over one of his cheekbones.

"You mean everything to me, Crowley. Everything. I couldn't have survived six thousand years on this planet without you, I couldn't have stopped the Apocalypse without you, and I _certainly_ couldn't have made myself feel better about my separation from Heaven without you. You mean the _world _to me, dear. So, thank you. For everything that you have done for me over the years and everything you will do in the future." Aziraphale leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. "I love you, Crowley." He whispered.

"I… of course… I…" Crowley choked out.

Aziraphale shushed him. "It's okay, dear, you don't have to say it. I know." He soothed. He ran his hand down Crowley's face and down his shoulder to grasp his hand and twine their fingers together.

Without thinking, Aziraphale tipped his face forward and lightly kissed Crowley on the lips, lingering for only a moment before pulling back. "I've always known." He whispered so quietly that he could hardly be heard over the crashing of waves down below.

Despite the nearly nonexistent lighting, Aziraphale could see tears shining in Crowley's eyes. He reached up with his free hand (a difficult feat, since that was the arm that he was propping himself up on) and brushed the tears away. "Your eyes are beautiful." He whispered.

"Aziraphale, I… I've always, of course I have…" Crowley tried to choke out. In his desperation to convey his emotions, he leaned forward and kissed Aziraphale again, long and lingering, bringing his free hand up to cup the angel's cheek. "You're everything to me too, angel. Always have been." Crowley choked out when he pulled away.

Aziraphale ran a hand down Crowley's cheek, giving him a watery smile. "I would gladly give up Heaven a hundred times over, Fall a thousand times, rather than give you up, Crowley. I may be holy, dear, but you're _divine."_

….

_**A/N: **__The plan was for this to be short and sweet, but… *sigh* Please leave a review if you like it!_


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